


4.66920[...]

by karanguni



Category: Arcadia - Stoppard
Genre: Abuse of Mathematics, Alternate Ending, F/M, Screenplay/Script Format, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21898375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karanguni/pseuds/karanguni
Summary: It is much more important to be understood than simply to be loved.
Relationships: Thomasina Coverly/Septimus Hodge
Comments: 13
Kudos: 64
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	4.66920[...]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thallo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thallo/gifts).



> Dear thallo, WATER FOR YOUR CROPS - I hope I did even a fraction of an iota of justice to Stoppard, because I had to write this when I saw your prompt.

Scene Ω

Septimus and Thomasina are still waltzing when the music from the Broadwood piano stops suddenly. They come to a slower, more measured halt in turn. She rests her cheek on his shoulder; his hands are frozen in place on her as appropriate for the dance. Thomasina, well pleased with herself, is relaxed.

THOMASINA  
You are twitching, Septimus. Do you have a neuroses?

SEPTIMUS  
No, this is induced.

THOMASINA  
By our waltz?

SEPTIMUS  
No, by the music. It was out of tune.

THOMASINA  
Was it the instrument or its players?

There is the discordant sound of many piano keys being pressed at once and at random. Septimus clears his throat.

SEPTIMUS  
It seems your mother has swooned.

THOMASINA  
The swooning came beforehand, now probably she swoops.

SEPTIMUS  
Ah.

THOMASINA  
In carnal embrace with a long Polish sausage.

SEPTIMUS  
Good God, my lady!

THOMASINA  
Oh, I am not thirteen any more, Septimus!

Distantly, a clock strikes twelve.

THOMASINA  
In fact, I am now seventeen. Mama was married at seventeen.

SEPTIMUS  
It is fortunate that you are not your mother, then.

THOMASINA  
That is true. I do not like Polish sausages.

SEPTIMUS  
(Pause) It is bad form for a pupil to try to be cleverer than her tutor.

THOMASINA  
Because it upsets the social order?

SEPTIMUS  
Because she might actually succeed at it even less half a lifetime's experience.

Septimus touches Thomasina's cheek briefly, then kisses it. He steps back and retrieves her candlestick.

SEPTIMUS  
I have made good on our compact and given you your waltz. Now bed.

THOMASINA  
Only if you are in it.

SEPTIMUS  
You shall perish from lack of sleep, then.

THOMASINA  
That is precisely how one wishes to perish under those circumstances, I am led to believe.

SEPTIMUS  
By whom!

THOMASINA  
By you, of course! Do you know, in all the years that you have been my tutor, you've only given me alphas?

SEPTIMUS  
Alpha minuses, my lady. You keep answering more than the questions ask.

THOMASINA  
Surpluses should be rewarded in pluses.

SEPTIMUS  
Never.

THOMASINA  
My point is that, under your tutelage, I have learned many other things surplus to natural philosophy.

SEPTIMUS  
Such as?

THOMASINA  
To beware the gaze upon gazebos.

SEPTIMUS  
It should be the ha-ha you fear: a short drop and a sudden shock.

THOMASINA  
(Undeterred) And to always take a book when visiting Mama in her sitting room in the evenings.

SEPTIMUS  
Enough.

THOMASINA  
I don't mind!

SEPTIMUS  
What you should mind is your own business, my lady.

Thomasina smiles at Septimus.

THOMASINA  
(Cheerfully) That is exactly what I am doing.

They are interrupted by the creaking of floorboards. They both freeze in place; Septimus blows out the candles. They hear, outside:

LADY CROOM  
You must show me that fingering again, my dear Count...

Then footsteps fading away, then silence. Septimus and Thomasina stand in the room in darkness together.

THOMASINA  
Septimus?

SEPTIMUS  
Yes, my lady? (Pause) My lady!

Thomasina, on her bare feet, has walked silently to Septimus and embraced him.

THOMASINA  
Mama says I will be debuted tomorrow, as if I haven't existed until now.

SEPTIMUS  
Congratulations.

THOMASINA  
I prefer condolences.

SEPTIMUS  
Why?

THOMASINA  
What if I am to be married off to someone like my father? Or Mr. Chater, botanist of the imaginary? Someone who doesn't understand anything? I must publish or I will perish, Septimus!

SEPTIMUS  
My lady, I have no doubt that you will find a way.

THOMASINA  
Only if I'm _allowed_. A girl can do whatever she likes, including being smart; a woman can only be a wife.

SEPTIMUS  
I cannot help you.

THOMASINA  
Do you love me, Septimus?

SEPTIMUS  
I do not. Aren't you in love with Byron?

THOMASINA  
Oh no, I only intended to _marry_ him.

SEPTIMUS  
Intended?

THOMASINA  
Mama says she will not allow it. Answer the question.

SEPTIMUS  
I cannot answer why you might be in love with Byron; I have only ever been in debt with him.

THOMASINA  
Do you love me?

SEPTIMUS  
No.

THOMASINA  
I think you do!

SEPTIMUS  
Someone once told me that she would not want everything turned to _love_ lest she become the sort of noodle who fixates upon the carnal embrace of book-burners.

THOMASINA  
You are correct.

She steps back and lights her candle. Thomasina holds up the candlestick between them, illuminating both their faces.

THOMASINA  
It is much more important to be understood than simply to be loved.

She leans up and kisses him.

THOMASINA  
Fortunately, I think you _just_ capable enough for both. Good night, Septimus! You have given me a wonderful idea.

She leaves. Septimus is left in darkness.

* * *

Daytime. It is morning, and the sun has risen to illuminate the garden-front room of the house. Septimus is fast asleep at the table, face down on Thomasina's essay and snoring slightly. He is clearly still in yesterday's clothes.

Dogs are barking outside. Septimus jerks awake when the door to the room slams open to admit LADY CROOM.

LADY CROOM  
Where is she? Is she here?

SEPTIMUS  
My lady–

Septimus rises hastily to stand. Lady Croom pauses to look at him.

LADY CROOM  
Mr. Hodge, you have a sheet of paper stuck to your face.

SEPTIMUS  
(Removing it) I was reading by process of osmosis.

LADY CROOM  
I use the same technique on my own books; it is much easier than using my eyes. Have you seen Thomasina?

SEPTIMUS  
No.

LADY CROOM  
We are due to leave for London in an hour and she cannot be found either for breakfast or for Briggs to transform her into something acceptable.

SEPTIMUS  
I have not seen her.

LADY CROOM  
We have looked everywhere.

SEPTIMUS  
Except for where she is.

He is saved from reproach by the sound of barking outside. NOAKES knocks on one of the windows; Septimus unlatches it. Noakes puts his head inside to speak.

NOAKES  
The dogs have caught a whiff of something, I think.

LADY CROOM  
On the grounds?

NOAKES  
They are headed to the hermitage.

All three exit.

* * *

Thomasina enters the room, which is now the hermitage. It is dark outside again. A lit candle is on the table. She is still in her nightgown, but has sensible boots on. She stacks a few tall piles of loose paper on the table and then goes about barring the doors and latching all the windows.

THOMASINA  
Good English algebra...

She sits down and licks a pen nib, then starts to write. She quickly fills up one sheet and tosses it carelessly to the side. Humming some of the music from last night, she continues writing and then tossing aside sheets of paper.

Eventually, she stops and falls asleep on the table. Some time passes, but then light from outside starts filtering in through the windows. A little while later, the dogs can be heard barking.

NOAKES  
(Outside) My lady!

LADY CROOM  
(Outside) Thomasina, are you in there?

Thomasina startles awake. A sheet of her work is stuck to her face, but it falls off as she sits up. The candle has not totally burned down and tips over onto the rest of the papers.

THOMASINA  
Drat!

She pushes the other papers aside and then quickly beats the small fire out.

LADY CROOM  
(Trying the door) Thomasina, what is the meaning of this? Open this door at once, or we will be late going up to London.

THOMASINA  
(Not opening it) Can one be late if one never arrives?

LADY CROOM  
Mr. Hodge, I blame you.

SEPTIMUS  
(Also outside) Me?

LADY CROOM  
She is being metaphysical.

SEPTIMUS  
No, she is being philosophical. I have not taught her anything that abstract.

LADY CROOM  
Thomasina!

THOMASINA  
I am otherwise engaged, Mama!

LADY CROOM  
You will never be engaged if you carry on like this.

THOMASINA  
That is the point!

LADY CROOM  
Come out!

THOMASINA  
I am on sheet thirty-two now of my algebra and have much more to go. I cannot.

LADY CROOM  
How many more?

THOMASINA  
Infinities!

LADY CROOM  
(To Septimus) You have ruined her.

SEPTIMUS  
I have not touched her.

LADY CROOM  
It is worse than that, you have educated her. (To Noakes) Mr. Noakes, with me, we shall find someone to break this door down...

The silhouettes of Lady Croom and Noakes can be seen through the windows as they exit. Thomasina goes to sit by the door. Septimus can be seen through the window leaning on the doorframe on the other side.

SEPTIMUS  
This hermitage is very squat for an ivory tower.

THOMASINA  
But more practical for being a hermit in.

SEPTIMUS  
Are you writing out your rabbit equation?

THOMASINA  
Yes. I stayed up very late expanding it.

SEPTIMUS  
You will run out of paper.

THOMASINA  
You will have to bring me more. And drawing paper, too.

SEPTIMUS  
For you to draw real rabbits?

THOMASINA  
No! I never really used to come outside, but last night when I did – look, do you see how the leaves have all fallen off the trees?

SEPTIMUS  
That is common in the fall.

THOMASINA  
Look at the branches!

SEPTIMUS  
There are indeed branches.

THOMASINA  
Even Mr. Chater might see the _branches_ , Septimus! The trunk turns to two, and then the two new branches turn to four, and then again and again. And so God is not a cabinet-maker!

Septimus is silent for a long time.

SEPTIMUS  
God is a botanist.

THOMASINA  
Amongst other things. Will you bring me more paper when I need it? And breakfast – I am getting hungry. Also a coat, perhaps.

SEPTIMUS  
This is worse than elopement.

He sighs, and strips out of his jacket. He knocks on one of the windows. Thomasina opens it and takes the jacket from him. She faces Septimus through the window while pulling it on; it is overlarge on her.

THOMASINA  
How so?

SEPTIMUS  
I am still within range of your father's guns.

THOMASINA  
I have grown up the child of a siege. I know how to protect you from the cull.

Thomasina steps away from the window and goes to the door. She opens it to face Septimus.

THOMASINA  
You do not have to love me if you let me have my books.

SEPTIMUS  
I have always loved other people's wives.

THOMASINA  
(Frowning) Septimus!

SEPTIMUS  
Your husband is Nature itself.

He steps past the threshold and kisses her. She throws both her arms around him; Septimus embraces her in return. They kiss a second time before he steps away. Septimus locks the door behind them and re-latches the open window. They can just about hear Lady Croom and her troops coming up the green. Septimus peers out at the approaching figures.

SEPTIMUS  
Your father is with them. He will not stand for this, you know.

Septimus turns and holds out a hand before Thomasina can answer.

SEPTIMUS  
One more dance, my lady?

Thomasina takes his hand.

They dance.

**Author's Note:**

> 4.66920... is the Feigenbaum Constant; Mitchell Feigenbaum died this year and Arcadia fic is – I hope! – a bit of a tribute. [This article](https://writings.stephenwolfram.com/2019/07/mitchell-feigenbaum-1944-2019-4-66920160910299067185320382/) was a rather wonderful summary of some of what Thomasina saw in the play.
> 
> Fractals as Thomasina sees them won't be known for quite some time after 1812, but I'm sure they unfold themselves endlessly before her eyes.


End file.
